i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
