I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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