the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
