I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I intend to get homeless drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
