respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
