I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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