Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
