I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
worst night to have a conscience
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I could fuck to npr.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
