and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
