even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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