"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
