i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
