So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
