Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
