Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
