every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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