We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
