We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
they're like a gay fantastic four
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
