Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
