She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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