SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
