I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
