he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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