I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
