I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
