They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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