I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
