I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
