tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
