i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
