She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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