No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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