She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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