so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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