I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
