I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
