Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
