Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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