We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
