Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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