Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
