Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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