it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
