I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Houston, we have a blender
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
