i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How does one acquire holy water?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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