he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
