so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
