his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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