My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i will never coherently bang her
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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