i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
