ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
