i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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