party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
